October 23, 2016 by traumermarchen
There’s a thing I want to say, but I don’t quite know how to say it – so there’s a good chance this post will be clunky and awkward.
Earlier this week I went to a bar with one of my friends. It’s not something I do that often what with a stomach that doesn’t handle alcohol well and a full panel of other vices (books, clothes, lunch out) that tend to eat through my rec. money at frightening speed.
Part way through the night we step outside so my friend can take a smoke. One of the other women out there asks for a light and they fall to talking. By the way, this to me is magic. I have a hard time starting a conversation even when I have something to say, pulling one out of a hat – it’s not something I do. But it does come with hazards.
A couple minutes later the bo’ of our new acquaintance shows up, and he’s full of conversation: about religion, about housing, about the local swinger community, about gender and the proper role of men and women….
And as he goes on I realize:
- He’s opinionated
- He’s mysogynistic
- He’s full of shit
- He doesn’t realize any of that
- He’s so sloshed that calling him out wouldn’t have a long term impact
(and might lead to some short term unpleasantness I was unprepared to deal with)
So me being me, I didn’t call him out. I disengaged, and I guess I’m feeling guilty about that. Like I should have done something. He was out to have a good night, the other two women on the scene seemed to be enjoying themselves as well, if I got on my high horse I would probably spoil it for all of them, and not really even make myself feel any better.
I think he picked up on my lack of interest (I certainly made no attempt to hide it), and so slipped further and further into what I guess were supposed to be “man” topics to catch my sympathy, like proper gender roles, and how women proposing to men will spoil the future of that relationship, blah, blah, blah.
And I’m standing there thinking how wrong he is on so many levels (including who I am), and hoping he’ll either start treating me like the scenery I’m pretending to be or else moving on to a topic where I might have a modicum of interest.
It doesn’t happen.
I find myself wondering if I really want that magic touch that makes conversations happen if it leads to crap like this (grass being greener and all that, I still do).
Eventually my friend gives me an out and I take it. We take off and I realize that I made her bail for me and also that by doing so we cut short an evening that until the conversation in question had been rather pleasant.
And I guess that’s it. I don’t really have the tools to deal with shit like this. I’m not even sure I want them – but I wanted to get this out there because it been bugging me and because there might be some collective wisdom out in the either which might be worthwhile for me to tap.